It's your Birthday. Happy Birthday... and why haven't you done a Video Blog yet like you said?

Yes, well, erm, I still haven't got round to writing my first Video Blog yet as I said I would in my previous written Blog. I've got a good excuse this time. It's been my birthday and I have just been chilling. Doing nothing is very time consuming.

Another year older and not at all wiser. It's a theme that works and I can easily stick to.

Birthdays eh? They seem to happen every year at about the same time. I blame the weather.

Any way, I haven't completely been doing nothing. Just mostly. Here are a couple of vids (not really blogs). The First is just me thanking all my cool Facebook friends who wished me a Happy birthday. A few on Twitter wished me a Happy Birthday too so THANKS also to them.



Yes, I can't play the piano. I can't sing either. It's good to keep an even balance through all the disciplines. Don't believe me? Here's the proof.



And yes yes yes, I'll put up a Video Blog soon. Um, follow me on Twitter by clicking on that Twitter button in the right margin... jenkin7Nick. :o)

I'm still alive after that first video by the way. I do all my own stunts and am available for major Hollywood Movies. My Fee starts at 18 Million dollars.

A brief Interlude or delaying tactic

What's this? No blog entries in six months then two in a matter of days? Well... sort of. This is a kind of non-blog.

I'm currently preparing some stuff to put out as a Video Blog. I've always been a bit hesitant of this form of media and have consequently shyed away from it. With a written blog, the author is pretty much hidden behind a keyboard in a safe military tent miles away from the battlefield.

A video blog isn't quite like that. In a video blog your face is out there for anyone on the Net to Like, Dislike, or take massive offence to for no apparent reason and write as much as a stinging comment below. You're on the Battlefield with guns firing and massive bombs going off. Maybe I'm over-dramatizing. Maybe not. Well yeah, I am a bit. It's not like war at all is it? War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Now I'm just going off on a tangent.

What were we talking about again?

Oh yeah, Video Blogs. I'm preparing an initial Video Blog to put on YouTube... a kind of Pilot. A test run to see how it goes.

Anyway, I've got over the potential Embarrassment factor from presenting yourself to the public and have thought to myself, 'What the hell'. The worst case scenario is that I'm hated by everyone, Sectioned and then have to spend the rest of my life in a Top Security Mental Hospital. As long as they have biscuits, I'm fine.

Anyhoo, in the meantime, here are some Dancing Vids I put up. Yes, I like dancing. If that isn't a colossal Ice breaker, I don't know what is.





The Video Blogs will be pretty much of like similar to my written blogs previously. Well hopefully. Well maybe. Well, who knows. Life is pretty random at best.

Z minus

Last entry February 19th 2012! Oh dear. I knew I wouldn't keep this up. Blogs have to updated regularly and it looks like I've headed for Epic Fail. I've almost lost my readership of 1, which was me. I'm grading myself a Z minus for this attempt which is quite generous I suppose.

I'm very sorry readership of 1 !!!!

Think I'll convert these or start doing video blogs instead. That seems the way to go. If I have enough courage. Don't want to be slagged off by the Pope or someone in the YouTube comments underneath.

Watch this space... well not for too long, your eyes might go funny.

GrimEnders - Lucky Heather

EastEnders on BBC1. Time after time I ask myself, Why do I even watch this programme? It's probably because it's comfortable, I'm in a rut and there's nothing else on.

EastEnders is a long running continuous soap opera often likened to Twitter in that it tries to convey a pointless message using 140 characters.

Okay, that was maybe a bit harsh, but boy, is this show grim. Set in a fictional borough of London called Walford, a long standing character called Pat Evans recently died of cancer, another character called Tanya is due to die of cancer and if rumour is true, hapless Heather (pictured above) is due to get grisly murdered. Yep, it's all fun in this show! It's best to watch with Prozac and a hearty supply of alcohol near by.

When getting home from a bad day at work, it's always nice to be presented with the line, 'Life's rubbish and then you die'. Yes, that's just the pick-me-up I need to face the World tomorrow.

Despite all of this, somehow I'm still addicted to EastEnders so I will probably watch it what ever they write regardless. The only light I gain is from the comedy characters that drift in and out. Heather is currently my favourite. Obviously the writers have finally caught wind of this. They've noticed the one bright light in the morbid darkness they've somehow allowed to creep into the show, so have arranged poor George Michael obsessed Hev to get murdered. Cheers.

When actress Cheryl Fergison found out she was to be written out of the programme she hoped to exit EastEnders in a nice way. She hoped her character's idol, George Michael, would turn up and they'd go on tour for a few years.

But this is EastEnders isn't it?

I think she is brutally murdered in her flat with bad boy Ben fleeing the scene covered in her blood. I may not be Sherlock Holmes, but I think he's guilty. He used to be such a nice lad into West End Shows and Ballet dancing. Oh well, now he's a cold blooded murderer.

Fun, Fun, Fun....

The show is on 4 times a week, but I'm just about to watch the Omnibus edition. Please get ready to talk me down from the roof.

Old Comedy in Musical Remix Format

There have been many comedy sitcom shows over the years I have enjoyed. The Young Ones, Blackadder, Red Dwarf, Father Ted, Black Books, The Green Wing, Only fools & Horses, Bottom, The Mighty Boosh, The IT Crowd and of course, Panorama.

I've recently rekindled my memories of these fabulous shows by watching clips and episodes on YouTube. The videos I like the most are those where some clever music DJ bod has somehow managed to edit the clips into some cool trance techno dance tune... well, after you've filtered out the rubbish ones. And most of them are rubbish. Very rubbish. Put together by a fool with the talent of a walnut.

However, here are my two favourites. i.e. the brilliant ones. Pure genius.



The above is mixed from The Mighty Boosh and the below from my favourite episode of Bottom of all time, GAS MAN !!!!!



All I can say is, "You Must Drink Our Teeeeeeeeaaaaaa...

Bubblegum Forever

When you're casually walking anywhere as a pedestrian these days, if you glance at the pavement you'll probably see quite a lot of roughly circular white or discoloured splodges about the place.

What are these then? There are loads everywhere. They're on pavements, train platforms, lamp posts, old women's legs, everywhere ! Where are they coming from?

Well... they're spat out bits of bubble or chewing gum aren't they. Attractive. Lovely. Or to put it more accurately, 'Completely disgusting!'

We were taught as kids not to swallow bubblegum so what do people do? That's right, just spit it out onto the street. People do not seem to be able to just wrap the used gum into a piece of paper and put it in the nearest bin. Oh no, that's way too difficult. Out onto the pavement it goes.

I think we should draw a line. I think we should employ special wardens to combat this gross behaviour. Bubblegum Wardens. When they notice someone releasing their used and disgusting gum, they should hit them over the head with a Cricket Bat. TWACK! Firm, but fair. It's the only way they'll learn... possibly.

Bubblegum was invented in 1928 and people have been spitting it out ever since. The vast majority of bubble and chewing gum does not biodegrade. It stays there... forever. After 50 years we should place a blue Commemorative plaque on some of the splodges. "Here sits a diseased riddled gum glob, spat out by a fat bloke in 1942. Visit out gift shop."

At some point in the future Nike and others will invent special expensive shoes specifically designed for walking on bubblegum. Trains will be adapted to hover over it all for fear of getting stuck... although it probably won't improve the service.

Long after the Human-race has gone, when Aliens finally discover this planet, they will find a sticky world completely coated in bubblegum. If they're into Text speak, they will say WTF!

The World is doomed. Not by Nuclear fallout or global warming, but by bubblegum.

Guilty pleasures - Top Trumps

Everyone has something. Everyone has something they are addicted to. Their guilty pleasure. There is seemingly no logic to it. It makes you feel happy so you return to your secret addiction time & time again.

As long as it isn't harmful to your health, then hey, go for it. Bad addictions are Alcohol, Crack Cocaine and Temple Run. Stay away from these or the BIG THREE as they are sometimes known.

Well, my guilty pleasure is the game of Top Trumps. Did you guess?

It's not just for kids. It's educational. That's what I keep telling myself and it's true. It is. It definitely is. Yeah. Shut up. It is.

How else would I have learnt that a Peregrine Falcon can fly at 200mph or the gestation period for a Camel is 15 months? How else would I have known how tall Daley Thompson is or if Mother Doomfinger was more intelligent than Doctor Who? You see, I wouldn't have. These are all very important pieces of information. Very important.

Top Trumps is a game where each player is dealt an equal number of cards. Player one selects one category on the card out of normally 5. The highest score wins. For example, Michael Jackson: Dance Skills 100, Boris Johnson: Dance Skills 2.. Jackson wins, winning player takes both cards. Should Player 2 win the round, then they choose the next category on the next card. The game ends when one player has amassed all the cards.

Below is Darth Vader verses Roger Black... although I think 2 packs of cards may have got mixed up.



More packs are being added all the time at http://www.toptrumps.co.uk/ , so you're bound to find some subject you're interested in. I'm personally hanging out for Bond Girls. Erm, for educational purposes again.

Did I tell you that the Moon is 384,402 Km away from London? Well it is. Share a cab to reduce the fare.



For more information about the wonderful game of Top Trumps & new releases follow them on Twitter & on their Facebook page.

It's fun. It's educational. It's not just for kids !

Rail Fares - How Much? I don't want to BUY the Train !!!

About a couple of years ago when I had to make the choice between Rail or Bus travel to get to work, I opted for the Train. Rail was a little more expensive, but a bit quicker and also more convenient. The Liverpool Street/Southend line was generally pretty reliable so it made sense.

A year went by, then National Rail increased the monthly fare by an inflation busting 8%. I couldn't believe it, but paid the increase anyway. They said it was for much needed improvements and upgrades to the service.

Over the next 12 months, there were no noticeable improvements that I could see. I think passengers had just been fobbed off. Operators knew they would pay anyway. The train would arrive, occasionally with graffiti down the side, inside the same threadbare seats. Nothing changed whatsoever.

Then the following year... another increase. Again, way above the rate of inflation. 6% !!!

Anyway, I took it from them again. My monthly fare, now just to travel daily about 6 miles and back, was £88.40. I complained about it on Facebook & Twitter, but didn't take any real positive action. I was just venting. I was in a comfortable rut.

Then the day that was probably for the best....

I was waiting at the Train Platform. "The 8:16 is running approximately 6 minutes late," the tannoy said, "We apologise for the late running of this train."

Fine, it happens I thought. 6 minutes changed to 12 minutes, 12 to 20, 20 to 30, then they announced the train had been cancelled. It was a cold day. I was not pleased. I was now going to be late in.

"The 8:56 is running approximately 6 minutes late. We apologise for the late running of this train.

What?

Well anyway, eventually they announced the reason that no trains were coming or in fact were ever going to come in the next few hours was a Train had actually broken down and was blocking the track. Why didn't the hell they say this in the first place ???? Simple. They weren't bothered.

I walked to the Bus stop and caught the next Bus. I asked the driver, "How much would a monthly ticket be?".

"£39," he replied.

"Can I buy this on the Bus directly?"

"Yes".

I now felt a bloody idiot for not switching over earlier. Fate had finally pushed me in the much needed direction.

So from February 9th I'm giving the Bus a try. It's going to take slightly longer to get in and back each day, but I can't ignore a monthly saving of £49.40. A staggering reduction of 44%. That's just ridiculous. Why is Rail travel in the UK so expensive?

Farewell Stink Train !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Facebook - People you may know ?

When it comes to Social Networking sites, I frequent them quite a lot of the time. Maybe way too much time actually. Whether it be Facebook or Twitter, I'm often seen wasting my dwindling precious free hours reading what's going on in the world and what antics people are generally getting up to. Most the time it's complete drivel to be honest, but it keeps me out of trouble. That's good.

I mention just Facebook and Twitter because although I've made early attempts with the new Google+, as of yet, it just isn't happening for me. I feel I'm at an empty Night Club awkwardly dancing to music I didn't like in the first place... and well, Myspace is more run down than the Greek economy.

Anyway, the subject of this blog entry. The feature on Facebook which most confounds me time & time again is this 'People You May Know'.

The idea is, Facebook scans everyone in your friends list, then matches your list to everyone in all your friend's friends lists to see who you're 'Not' currently friends with who you may still somehow know. It's that simple. Get it? No?

Well, you're logged onto Facebook. You click on 'People you may know'. A list of people comes up running down the page.

Marjorie Winklespoon - You have 37 Mutual friends.

Who?

You've never met her before in your life. You think and you think. You squeeze your brain for every inch of it's full operating power. Who is this mystery person? 37 of your other friends know her well, but somehow you've never seen her. Who the bloody hell is Marjorie Winklespoon? Where were you when everyone else met her? Were you on holiday? Were you locked in the bathroom? What? Where? What's going on?

Gary Parsnip, 18 mutual friends know him. Some random girl in a bikini, 18 know her as well. What? How is this even possible? Do these mystery people see you coming along then all jump behind the nearest lamppost or something?

Hang on. I've just had a Friend Request from Marjorie Winklespoon. Accept or Ignore?

Ignore.

You must do this with your Blog, you must do that. WHY?

Now I must admit, I'm pretty new to this blogging business and to date have only published but a handful of posts. All have been unbelievably useful to people of course. As this particular Blog entry posts, I'm currently at my exciting day job. Well I hope this Blog posts. It's on some of sort of timer.. maybe. Hopefully I'm having a wonderful day. I'm probably not though. Something bads probably happened. I've sat in chewing gum or been run over by a snack trolley or something. Anyway, I'm digressing somewhat.

The point of this Blog was just as a personal outlet to stop myself going insane. A stupidity vent. It hasn't been very successful in that respect. If anything, it's made me even more abstract than before. Watermelon.

This outlet as I call it was supposed to be a bit of fun too. But already I've been drawn into this mysterious blogging underworld of rules and regulations. Questions are springing up like zombies from a graveyard. How often should you post a Blog entry? How many words should a blog be? Should you specialise in one subject? How do you make money from your Blog? How do you get good placement in Google rankings?

Well as Shrek's Nan famously told Luke Skywalker in that twenties Spielberg cartoon, "I ain't got time for that bollocks".

I hope I get home from work soon.



If you're at home taking notes just put Shrek's Nan, Watermelon, Google Rankings and Chewing gum. Working eight to half three, what a way to make a living.

Hello, my name is Temple Run and I will steal all your Free time... muwhahaha!

Hello, my name is Temple Run, I'm Free to Download and I will steal all your Free time.

Heed this warning. The App is not quite as addictive as crack cocaine, but runs it a very close second. I'm not joking.

Temple Run, for those not already caught in it's evil iron grip, is a crazy adrenaline pulsating split-second reaction game as you jump, turn and slide to avoid various obstacles, collect coins, and basically see how long you can last without being hideously killed in some way. The controls are easy to pick and are very responsive... most of the time. Temple Run adds depth by having levelling and power ups, as well as seven different unlockable characters to choose from. All the characters react the same however. You can also see how far your friends ran and compete for multiple achievements and distance on the leader board.

How does it capture it's addicts in the first place? The blummin thing is Free !!!!



The thing that really locks you in forever with this thing is when you pass the point of being 'rubbish' and enter into the category of 'okay'. Frustrating is not the word. There's always someone who has more points or distance travelled than you. You're always chasing them or they're chasing you. Before you know it, you're playing Temple Run for hours. You say to yourself, "I'll just have one LAST go to get over 1/2 Million", "That last go didn't count", "OK, this is definitely the last one then I'm turning it off". Who are you kidding? No one ! You're here for the next 27 hours straight. You won't eat. You won't drink. If you're on the Train you'll miss your stop and end up in South Bolivia or some distant weird Universe at the end of time. Nothing will drag you from your screen as you desperately try to beat your score and head up the leader board. Then you fall down a great big hole because you swiped your finger in the wrong direction.

Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I'll just have one last go".

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Can I Help you? NO! BUGGER OFF !

I've never been a big one for clothes shopping in real life bricks & mortar physical stores. I've always found it a lot easier to use the Internet. Don't know why. It's just a habit I've fallen into.

After again venturing into proper shops, I now absolutely know why. It's the bloody Sales assistants! Bloody! Bloody Bloody!

Now admittedly when clothes shopping, I'm not the most patient of people in the world. I just like to be left on my own to get on with it. I roughly know what I'm looking for. If I see it, I get it and I'm gone. Pazam ! (Think I stole that word from a sixties Batman fight. Don't sue).

Anyway, I go into my local Next store looking for work shirts. I'm 37 years old so by now I absolutely know my correct size. There's no question. I've cast it to memory. Like my name. Melanie Flagpole. Some young male shop assistant with a hair style like a drugged up out-of-control Yucca plant asks me, "Can I help you?". That's fine. That's polite. I answer, "No thanks, I'm just looking at shirts". There it ended right? He buggered off. Nope! He hovered on my shoulder like some annoying wasp. Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz.

"A slim fit would probably best fit you".

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.

"Why don't you try one on?"

Bzzzzz. Bzzz. Bzzzz.

"No, I'm ok," I answered, "I'm in a bit of a hurry".

Bzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz. "A Tailored fit is always good".

I left the shop and ordered them over the Internet instead. If I ever go to a clothes shop again, I'm taking Pepper Spray with me... and a cricket bat.

Now I appreciate, that young chap may have been getting a percentage commission on items sold, but come on, some industries shouldn't employ this. It's just hassle. What next? A Lollipop Lady paid on the amount of people she gets across the road? "Cross over yer Bastards!"

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The Easy way ?

I get up in the morning, get dressed, go to work, I swear a bit to myself throughout the day, then go home completely knackered. Then all too soon it's the next day and the whole process starts again. It pays the bills though and beats living in a cardboard box in Trampsville No-mans-land.

But it's a human trait. An inescapable brain malfunction of human being to always want something better or easier. A Millionaire wants to be a Billionaire, a Billionaire wants to be a Trillionaire, and no one wants to be on Ryan Air. That's the way it is. That's the way it will always be. As I write this, I'm momentarily disturbed to discover Gary Glitter is now on Twitter. Anyway, lets move on.

Recently I considered making life easier by maybe switching to the Night Shift at work. More money and less work to do. Sounds good doesn't it?

Then I thought, what would happen to my brain long term if I were not challenged? What would happen long term if there were no struggle at all? I'll tell you what would happen. Life would suddenly become duller than a cold night in Wolverhampton. It's the struggle that keeps us going. With no hurdles to jump or canyons to cross, life becomes meaningless.

Bring on the Crapness. That's what I say... not at a restaurant though... or the hairdressers perhaps... maybe at a School play I'd say it. But you know what I'm saying don't you? Maybe? No? Well Tough.

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Time flys... or was that birds?

The start of a new year makes one review life, smell the coffee (what ever that means) and take matters in stock. Well at least for the first few weeks anyway. Then you invariably carry on as usual. That's life, that's what all the people say.

Reading my previous Blog entry, before I deleted all the others of course, I can't believe over a year has passed since I closed my online Giftware business. Those were the days. I could work my own hours, make my own money and was answerable only to myself... well, and the Inland Revenue. When it was good, it was great. When it was bad, it was atrocious. To mis-quote Lord Alan Sugar, 'That's just business you brain dead!'. And who am I to argue with a made up mis-quote from him?

About 6 years into Online selling, not sure if you noticed, there was some kind of massive global recession type thing and I found suddenly in my mid-thirties (sort of) I had to get a job. There wasn't much about. Luckily after a short Part-Time spell working at a Supermarket, I managed to gain employment with a Bank. There was a short overlap when I was running the website and working Full Time too. This wasn't too much of a problem as the business orders had practically dried up to a mere micron of what they had been in the glory days.

So, what had originally intended to be a stop-gap job until the economy picked up again has now been going on nearing 18 Months. It's not the best job in the world and my level is a lot lower than in the past, but in the current job climate, I am pleased. Stress has gone, I have Free time on my hands again once in a while so will look at posting updates on this Blog every now and again.... maybe.

Here's to 2012. Good Luck to everyone taking part! Let me know if you find a Cheat Mode.

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