You must do this with your Blog, you must do that. WHY?

Now I must admit, I'm pretty new to this blogging business and to date have only published but a handful of posts. All have been unbelievably useful to people of course. As this particular Blog entry posts, I'm currently at my exciting day job. Well I hope this Blog posts. It's on some of sort of timer.. maybe. Hopefully I'm having a wonderful day. I'm probably not though. Something bads probably happened. I've sat in chewing gum or been run over by a snack trolley or something. Anyway, I'm digressing somewhat.

The point of this Blog was just as a personal outlet to stop myself going insane. A stupidity vent. It hasn't been very successful in that respect. If anything, it's made me even more abstract than before. Watermelon.

This outlet as I call it was supposed to be a bit of fun too. But already I've been drawn into this mysterious blogging underworld of rules and regulations. Questions are springing up like zombies from a graveyard. How often should you post a Blog entry? How many words should a blog be? Should you specialise in one subject? How do you make money from your Blog? How do you get good placement in Google rankings?

Well as Shrek's Nan famously told Luke Skywalker in that twenties Spielberg cartoon, "I ain't got time for that bollocks".

I hope I get home from work soon.



If you're at home taking notes just put Shrek's Nan, Watermelon, Google Rankings and Chewing gum. Working eight to half three, what a way to make a living.

Hello, my name is Temple Run and I will steal all your Free time... muwhahaha!

Hello, my name is Temple Run, I'm Free to Download and I will steal all your Free time.

Heed this warning. The App is not quite as addictive as crack cocaine, but runs it a very close second. I'm not joking.

Temple Run, for those not already caught in it's evil iron grip, is a crazy adrenaline pulsating split-second reaction game as you jump, turn and slide to avoid various obstacles, collect coins, and basically see how long you can last without being hideously killed in some way. The controls are easy to pick and are very responsive... most of the time. Temple Run adds depth by having levelling and power ups, as well as seven different unlockable characters to choose from. All the characters react the same however. You can also see how far your friends ran and compete for multiple achievements and distance on the leader board.

How does it capture it's addicts in the first place? The blummin thing is Free !!!!



The thing that really locks you in forever with this thing is when you pass the point of being 'rubbish' and enter into the category of 'okay'. Frustrating is not the word. There's always someone who has more points or distance travelled than you. You're always chasing them or they're chasing you. Before you know it, you're playing Temple Run for hours. You say to yourself, "I'll just have one LAST go to get over 1/2 Million", "That last go didn't count", "OK, this is definitely the last one then I'm turning it off". Who are you kidding? No one ! You're here for the next 27 hours straight. You won't eat. You won't drink. If you're on the Train you'll miss your stop and end up in South Bolivia or some distant weird Universe at the end of time. Nothing will drag you from your screen as you desperately try to beat your score and head up the leader board. Then you fall down a great big hole because you swiped your finger in the wrong direction.

Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I'll just have one last go".

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Can I Help you? NO! BUGGER OFF !

I've never been a big one for clothes shopping in real life bricks & mortar physical stores. I've always found it a lot easier to use the Internet. Don't know why. It's just a habit I've fallen into.

After again venturing into proper shops, I now absolutely know why. It's the bloody Sales assistants! Bloody! Bloody Bloody!

Now admittedly when clothes shopping, I'm not the most patient of people in the world. I just like to be left on my own to get on with it. I roughly know what I'm looking for. If I see it, I get it and I'm gone. Pazam ! (Think I stole that word from a sixties Batman fight. Don't sue).

Anyway, I go into my local Next store looking for work shirts. I'm 37 years old so by now I absolutely know my correct size. There's no question. I've cast it to memory. Like my name. Melanie Flagpole. Some young male shop assistant with a hair style like a drugged up out-of-control Yucca plant asks me, "Can I help you?". That's fine. That's polite. I answer, "No thanks, I'm just looking at shirts". There it ended right? He buggered off. Nope! He hovered on my shoulder like some annoying wasp. Bzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzz.

"A slim fit would probably best fit you".

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz.

"Why don't you try one on?"

Bzzzzz. Bzzz. Bzzzz.

"No, I'm ok," I answered, "I'm in a bit of a hurry".

Bzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz. "A Tailored fit is always good".

I left the shop and ordered them over the Internet instead. If I ever go to a clothes shop again, I'm taking Pepper Spray with me... and a cricket bat.

Now I appreciate, that young chap may have been getting a percentage commission on items sold, but come on, some industries shouldn't employ this. It's just hassle. What next? A Lollipop Lady paid on the amount of people she gets across the road? "Cross over yer Bastards!"

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The Easy way ?

I get up in the morning, get dressed, go to work, I swear a bit to myself throughout the day, then go home completely knackered. Then all too soon it's the next day and the whole process starts again. It pays the bills though and beats living in a cardboard box in Trampsville No-mans-land.

But it's a human trait. An inescapable brain malfunction of human being to always want something better or easier. A Millionaire wants to be a Billionaire, a Billionaire wants to be a Trillionaire, and no one wants to be on Ryan Air. That's the way it is. That's the way it will always be. As I write this, I'm momentarily disturbed to discover Gary Glitter is now on Twitter. Anyway, lets move on.

Recently I considered making life easier by maybe switching to the Night Shift at work. More money and less work to do. Sounds good doesn't it?

Then I thought, what would happen to my brain long term if I were not challenged? What would happen long term if there were no struggle at all? I'll tell you what would happen. Life would suddenly become duller than a cold night in Wolverhampton. It's the struggle that keeps us going. With no hurdles to jump or canyons to cross, life becomes meaningless.

Bring on the Crapness. That's what I say... not at a restaurant though... or the hairdressers perhaps... maybe at a School play I'd say it. But you know what I'm saying don't you? Maybe? No? Well Tough.

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Time flys... or was that birds?

The start of a new year makes one review life, smell the coffee (what ever that means) and take matters in stock. Well at least for the first few weeks anyway. Then you invariably carry on as usual. That's life, that's what all the people say.

Reading my previous Blog entry, before I deleted all the others of course, I can't believe over a year has passed since I closed my online Giftware business. Those were the days. I could work my own hours, make my own money and was answerable only to myself... well, and the Inland Revenue. When it was good, it was great. When it was bad, it was atrocious. To mis-quote Lord Alan Sugar, 'That's just business you brain dead!'. And who am I to argue with a made up mis-quote from him?

About 6 years into Online selling, not sure if you noticed, there was some kind of massive global recession type thing and I found suddenly in my mid-thirties (sort of) I had to get a job. There wasn't much about. Luckily after a short Part-Time spell working at a Supermarket, I managed to gain employment with a Bank. There was a short overlap when I was running the website and working Full Time too. This wasn't too much of a problem as the business orders had practically dried up to a mere micron of what they had been in the glory days.

So, what had originally intended to be a stop-gap job until the economy picked up again has now been going on nearing 18 Months. It's not the best job in the world and my level is a lot lower than in the past, but in the current job climate, I am pleased. Stress has gone, I have Free time on my hands again once in a while so will look at posting updates on this Blog every now and again.... maybe.

Here's to 2012. Good Luck to everyone taking part! Let me know if you find a Cheat Mode.

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